Monday, June 27, 2011

Conflict and Compatibility in Communication

In our last two posts, we discussed the first two most common communication problems.

The third most common communication problem is that the majority of people avoid conflict, which is actually natural and expected because conflict can indeed be stressful. Nonetheless, the reality is that life has its moments where conflict is inevitable and once we accept that, we will quickly realize that having tools to work through conflict as quickly and as efficiently as possible is our best option.
Avoiding conflict at all costs could mean bottling up feelings and needs which could lead to resentment and even illness. How many of you have not been able to sleep at night or felt your stomach turning when you encountered a particular conflict?

Learning to deal with conflict is a much better strategy than allowing your needs to go unrecognized and sabotaging a potentially great relationship with those you love or care for. Acquiring these important conflict management skills is not an indication that you are actively seeking conflict, but it is a sign that you are prepared – just as you would keep a box of band-aids in the medicine cabinet, as a precaution to accidents. In sha Allah we will be covering this most important skill in our Reviving Relationships Program.

The fourth and final most common communication problem is compatibility, which is how well two spouses ‘fit’ with each other. In his book, “the 10 Conversations you must have before You Get Married”, Dr. Guy Grenier evaluates compatibility along three different dimensions:

1) Love – understanding of couple about the realistic nature of love which is that the ‘passionate’ love at the beginning of a marriage transforms into a deeper, more mature love over time. We will also be covering the Five Languages of Love in our Reviving Relationships Program.

2) Similarity – the extent to which two people have similar beliefs, habits, goals. Alhamdullilah we spent a substantial amount of time in our Finding Love & Mercy Course: Choosing a Husband discussing this most important compatibility dimension

3) Healthy Approach to Conflict Management – having already spoken about conflict being a fact of life and learning to manage it is the best plan we have – this important skill is included here once again because a compatible, fair, and effective process to conflict management is very important between a couple.

And essentially, this is exactly what the 15 rules of Good Communication that we covered in our last Reviving Relationships Session, and which are available for you to download the MP3 File and PDF Summary of upon your registration in our Reviving Relationships program, are designed to do. Their purpose is to enable two people to exchange information in a respectful, clear, focused way that enables them to work through any conflicts. The 15 communication strategies that we spoke about were broken down into four basic categories:

i) Productive communication strategies
ii) Destructive communication strategies
iii) Anger-management strategies
iv) Long-term relationships management strategies

Friday, June 17, 2011

What Sunk the Titanic?

The second most common communication problem is what we call 'Relationship Icebergs' - these are basically unspoken, unexplained expectations within a relationship that seem so blatantly obvious to one partner, yet are completely not acknowledged or recognized by the other partner. The result is resentment, disappointment, and hurt.

The point isn’t to eliminate all expectations of those we love – the problem is that we assume, particularly from those close to us, that they are aware and completely willing to fulfill our expectations of them.

Unspoken expectations are to relationships what icebergs were to the Titanic. So, although there might be only a glimpse of them above the water, their power to destroy is indeed very serious and can sink what was thought to be unsinkable.

The “15 Rules of Good Communication” that we will be discussing starting next Tuesday June 21st in our Reviving Relationships Mastermind are specifically designed to help reveal these relationship-threatening icebergs long before they have the potential to threaten the stability of a great relationship.

Stay tuned for the next most communication problem.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The First Most Common Communication Problem

You know the typical conversation you get into sometimes with your spouse, parent, sibling, child, or friend:

-“You did this...”
-“No you did that...”
-“You never understand..”
-“No you don’t get it...”

So the individuals in this conversation haven’t exactly demonstrated excellent communication skills, or offered any new solutions or reached a greater level of understanding, right?

This happens when the way something is said becomes the reason of the fight, instead of the actual issue – so you start ‘fighting about the fight’. Such a situation causes a waste of time, hurt feelings, and can cause some real detriment to a relationship.

Think about it – how do we react when we’re told we’re wrong, to blame, or made a mistake? We may become defensive or enter into attack mode, even if what’s being said is correct.

So how do we resolve this?

To find out more, please join us for our FREE special session this Thursday June 16th at 8pm EST on the “Four Most Common Communication Problems” at the following link:

Friday, June 10, 2011

The Reason for All these Revolutions

Everyday, we now wake up and witness revolutions taking place all over the world. The obvious reason for all of these revolutions is that people want freedom - they want respect and they want to be treated with dignity. Ultimately though, deep inside, they want what we all want. We want to be successful. We want to be happy. We want to live a fulfilling life. And I believe that time has come.

Just as the time has come for many around the world to stand for their freedom, the time has come to revive our relationships in sha Allah. The time has come to turn our lives around and have a truly satisfying and fulfilling relationship with our loved ones.

Seeing how our relationships are so important to our happiness and success, and knowing that we didn’t have ‘relationship skills class’ like math and English when we were in school, I strongly believe in the need for personal development and continuous education in important relationship success principles such as effective communication, conflict resolution, and emotional intelligence.

Many of us may not realize how important these skills are until we start to have problems in our relationships. And at that point, sometimes it’s difficult to pull ourselves away from the situation to acquire an understanding of the important relationship skills that will allow us to resolve the situation. Consequently, the situation may become worse and reach a point where it becomes increasingly difficult to find a resolution. This in turn can affect our health, our productivity, and even our faith, God forbid.

We may have all heard the saying: “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure”. And I am a strong believer in that – we can not only be more prepared to deal with any difficult situations by equipping ourselves with important relationship success principles, but we can indeed have more fulfilling and satisfying relationships with those who matter most to us.

After all, we all know of people who have acquired wealth, fame, status, power but forgot to invest in that which matters most – their relationships. And the result is, they are alone, and deep inside, they are unhappy.

Once again, in hopes of achieving the vision of building a stronger ummah and a better world, one happy couple and family (potential or current) at a time, I am launching a new program called Reviving Relationships that will insha Allah place on you on the path to happiness and fulfillment in your future or current marriage. This exciting program will include:

· A monthly online session with your sister Raghad Ebied and other relationship success experts providing you with important relationship success principles
· Study guide materials to help you retain and apply what you learn
· An online forum that provides you with a supportive network and an opportunity to share comments, questions, and experiences.

Alhamdullilah, we're very excited to be kicking off this program with our first online session on June 21st with our special Guest Speaker, Dr. Munir El-Kassem on "The 15 Rules of Good Communication: Part I".

To learn more about this exciting program and to reserve your spot for our upcoming session on June 21st, please register here.

Let us remember that when we die, those who will remember us fondly and make duaa for us will likely be those whom we had the most positive relationships with – those whose lives we made better, touched, or changed through simple, yet profound actions that were based on relationship success principles.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Reviving Your Relationships

When you think of it, our lives are a series of relationships. From the moment we are born, there is an instant relationship with our mothers and it is indeed one of the most beautiful relationships. In Islam, the relationship between us and Allah (SwT) is also instantly commenced when the Athan (the call to prayer) was softly made in our ears shortly after our birth. Then we start to form relationships with other close relatives, friends, neighbours, teachers, and employers. And in sha Allah then we form one of the most important relationships in our lives, which can be the basis for a healthy and strong family and society - and that is the relationship with our spouses and children.

Allah (SwT) beautifully describes this relationship in the Quran by stating: "And among His signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are signs for those who reflect." Chapter 30, Verse 21

My vision in sha Allah is to inspire all Muslim couples and families to find and live that love and mercy that Allah (SwT) so beautifully describes to us in the Quran, because indeed this is the foundation for a successful and strong family and society. After the great success alhamdullilah of our "Finding Love & Mercy" Online Course (which is now available for you to order your own copy of) and seeing the great need for continuous support and mentoring on relationship success principles, we are excited to launch our brand new Reviving Relationships Mastermind Group which will provide you with insightful and practical doses of Relationship Success Principles each month through Phone, Internet, and Print.

Whether you are single or married, by joining this program, you can definitely increase your likelihood of a successful and happy relationship in sha Allah when you become a member of this dynamic community of members who are striving for a beautiful and satisfying relationship with their potential or current spouse. Each month, we will be discussing important relationship success principles such as:

*The 15 Rules of Good Communication
*The 10 Secrets of Happiness in Relationships
*The Keys to Effective Conflict Resolution
*Easy Inside Secrets to Emotional Intelligence
*The Five Languages of Love
*and much more in sha Allah.

When I think about all of the singles and couples out there that are longing for that truly blissful marriage that provides them with love, mercy, happiness and security, and knowing that by simply gaining access to some insightful and practical relationship success principles, they could really turn their life around and live that beautiful vision, I want to share these principles with as many people as possible, in sha Allah.

And that's why, I am pricing this exciting program extremely affordably at only $9.97/month. So that's pretty much the cost of one meal outside. And once again, I am offering it at this affordable rate because I'd really like to reach as many people as possible in sha Allah and change their lives by reviving their relationships.

To join us for our first session on June 21st, with our Special Guest Dr. Munir El-Kassem, then please click here. Dr. Munir El-Kassem has been happily married alhamdullilah for 23 years and is blessed with five daughters and one son. Besides excelling in his professional career in dentistry, he serves as the Imam of the Islamic Centre of Southwest Ontario and Muslim Chaplain of London Police Services Board, contributing to his extensive experience with Muslim couples and families. He is a distinguished author and speaker at many Islamic Conferences and Events and one of his most recent lecture series, delivered at the Islamic Centre of Southwest Ontario was the life changing "Save a Family" series.

So I am very excited to be bringing Dr. Munir El-Kassem with us as a special guest on June 21st at 7pm for our first online session in the Reviving Relationships Mastermind Group, which once again provides you with a monthly online session, study guide and continuous forum on relationship success principles. If you're interested in joining us for this exciting program that can revive your relationships and place you on the path to happiness in your future or current marriage in sha Allah, then you can register here.

True Commitment to Our Relationships

Alhamdullilah, we have now completed delivering our LIVE "Finding Love & Mercy" Course on How to Choose a Husband who will take you by the hand to jannah in sha Allah. If you missed it, alhamdullilah with the great interest we have been receiving we are now making the course available in a home study version (for less than half of the original value) that you can order anytime and use at your convenience. It's here!:) So visit us at for more information.

I personally enjoyed teaching the course so much and continued to see the need to empower others to learn the skills that will enable them to have excellent relationships in sha Allah. Please enjoy my article below on "True Commitment to our Relationships" and stay tuned for a special announcement I will be making on how to revive our relationships soon in sha Allah!

True Commitment to Our Relationships

Indeed our relationships can be our most important investment in life. Most of us can agree that any successful relationship requires serious and consistent commitment. Yet, how many of us make sure this commitment is clearly conveyed both in our words and in our actions?

Whether it is wanting to have a successful relationship with our children, with our spouses, or with our families in general, commitment is a common and essential ingredient.

In Linda and Richard Eyre's "The Book of Nurturing: Nine Laws for Enriching Your Family Life", the first "law" they speak of is that of commitment. If we really and sincerely want successful and loving relationships with those most important to us, we have to tell them and show them. And we have to do it often. In this book, one couple re-stated their commitment to each other years later after their marriage and actually wrote out "commitment documents" to one another. I've shared here with you a section of the husband's commitment document:

"I hereby recommit myself, my resources, my gifts, to you as my wife and as the only romantic love of my life. While I am far from perfect as a husband, there are many things you can absolutely and always count on from me. One is that I will put your interests first in every choice or decision I face. Two is that I will always be completely honest with you and have no secrets from you. Third is that I will be a full partner with you in the raising of our children. Fourth is that I will never let other priorities like work or sports get ahead of you and the kids or cause me to do anything that would damage or impact negatively on you or on your happiness".

One final point on commitment is the example of geese that the authors gave. It was truly humbling to see how this creation, through the mercy of God, show true commitment to one another. Geese mate for life until one of them dies, therefore sometimes spending more than 50 years together. They are completely committed to their families – they strive to keep each other safe, they put each other first, they know they can depend on each other, and one final beautiful nature of geese, is that they always come home.

These are some examples I have shared with you, and so I encourage you to find a way to say or show your commitment to those who matter most to you in life.