Tuesday, July 19, 2011

To 20 Challenges Facing Singles

Most of us can agree that the vast majority of us need and want a committed relationship – we want to love and be loved. As social beings, we need intimacy and connection with a community of friends and family, and a stable marriage that meets our emotional, physical, and spiritual needs.

If this is the case though, then how come the divorce rate is not going down, and the marriage rate is not going up?

The following are the top 20 Challenges that face singles today:

1. Not knowing what you’re looking for; having unclear expectations

2. Having a long “grocery list” and looking for the one person to match it

3. Living in fear that you will repeat past experiences

4. Not healing before starting a new relationship

5. For women, feeling that their biological clock is running out

6. For men, fearing to start a family and stay committed

7. Lowering of standards by older singles, or giving up or settling because they’re afraid they will always be alone

8. Not knowing where to meet suitable partners

9. Cynicisim

10. Too busy to cultivate a relationship

11. Discouragement of not finding someone that meets your expectations

12. Getting involved too quickly

13. “there are no good men, no good women” mentality

14. Pressure from family or peers to be coupled

15. Not having the skills to create a successful relationship

16. Fear of failure

17. Fear of rejection

18. Fear of commitment

19. Shyness

20. Seems easier to stay single

(Adapted from Finding The Love of Your Life in Today's World, David Steele)

And this is exactly why we are on a mission to educate and prepare Muslims, and particularly Muslim sisters, for marriage, and to enable them to overcome these challenges so they can build blissful marriage in sha Allah. To get an idea of how to overcome these challenges and be on your way to a blissful marriage in sha Allah, join us tomorrow at 12pm EST, for our FREE Online Preview Session on the "10 Secrets to Selecting Your Soul Mate".

To join us for this content rich, free preview session, please register here.

In this exciting session, you will learn how to :

Know Who You are
Identify What You want in a Husband
Get What You want in a Husband
Identify and make productive choices in sha Allah,
And more!

Monday, July 11, 2011

How to Get What You Want

Assalamu alaikum,
I was recently having a conversation with a sister at an event and found myself having to make the argument for marriage. To be quite honest, I was a little surprised that someone would try to resist the fitrah (nature) that Allah (SwT) created in us for companionship.

By all means, there will be people that don’t get married for a variety of reasons and at the end of the day, it all lies with Allah (SwT). However, Allah (SwT) created Adam and then shortly after created Eve because even though Adam was in heaven, he could not live alone. He needed a companion. He needed someone to be his source of love, mercy, and tranquility. He needed Eve.

And this is why I continue to believe in the importance of ensuring that you are prepared to select the one that will bring you the happiness and serenity that you long for and deserve in sha Allah.

I have already given some tidbits about the first most important steps which are to know who you are (self-awareness) and what you want (planning).

The next step would be to learn how to get what you want. So to put your plan into action. This would include things such as your relationship attitudes and beliefs and where you expect to receive your proposals from.

There’s this saying out there that what you believe, you can achieve. We all may have fears and self-limiting beliefs, but many of us are unaware of them. So some people think life is great while others think life is full of doom and gloom. Some people feel alhamdullilah they were blessed with gifts and talents that they can use to help others while others feel like they have nothing to offer. Positive attitudes are productive; negative ones are unproductive and you can choose to keep the ones that serve you and let go of the ones that don’t.

In sha Allah in my upcoming “The 10 Secrets of How To Select Your Soul Mate”, I’ll be going into a lot more depth about this topic and the 10 other steps you need to select the one that is right for you.

Our online session will be on July 19th at 12pm EST – to attend, all you have to do is register for our Reviving Relationships Program.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Ten Secrets to Selecting Your Soul Mate

In my last post, I announced that I believe soul mates exist. I believe marriages should have love and mercy. And I believe that you should find tranquility and happiness in your marriage.

And that the first two steps of achieving that vision of a successful and happy marriage in sha Allah, after of course the will of Allah (Swt), are self-awareness and planning.

Self-awareness is knowing who you are – your values, beliefs, habits, personality and preferences.

Planning is about knowing what you want – your desired characteristics when it comes to your potential husband’s values, beliefs, habits, personality and preferences.

And yes indeed, the two should be similar – not the same because that is impossible. But similar enough that you can build and maintain a happy and successful marriage and family in sha Allah.

Continuing on my quest to building a strong Muslim ummah, one happy couple at a time, I am having a special session in our Reviving Relationships Program on “The 10 Secrets to Selecting Your Soul Mate”. This will be brand new material that I have not covered before, based on my studies with the Relationship Coaching Institute.

This session will in sha Allah enable you to:

Understand how to discover who you are and what you want
Learn how to get what you want
How to choose who you want in your life as opposed to constantly react to it
Balance your heart with your head
How to prepare yourself for commitment
Appreciate how to be a "successful single"
And more!

Our online session will be on July 19th at 12pm EST – to attend, all you have to do is register for our Reviving Relationships Program

Monday, July 4, 2011

Who You Are and What You Want

Summer is most certainly wedding season ma sha Allah. And it probably gets a lot of people thinking about finding the 'one', the love and mercy that Allah (swt) promises us in the Quran, and whether a soul mate really exists out there.

Alhamdullilah, I do believe that soul mates exist. I do believe that marriages can and should have the love and mercy that Allah promises us in the Quran. And I do believe that you should find tranquility and happiness in your marriage in sha Allah.
Many times, it seems like concepts such as love and soul mates are only associated with pop culture movies and therefore are over-exaggerated and unrealistic.

However, if we look into our own Islamic traditions, the stories of pure love and the idea of having two souls be a fit for one another, certainly does exist. The Prophet (peace be upon him) was only married to our mother Khadijah for 25 years and over a year after her death, when he was asked if he would re-marry, his blessed head dropped down and tears dripped from his eyes whilst he said “And is there anyone after Khadijah?”

And even years after her death, the Prophet would continue to speak about his admiration for Khadijah and all she did to support him. Is this not a declaration of the Prophet’s deep love for Khadijah and an indication that she, may Allah be pleased with her, was his soul mate?

So the question that arises is, how can we ensure a loving and blessed marriage like this? How do we usually increase our likelihood of success? Our ultimate success in everything is of course according to what Allah (Swt) wills, but when it comes to our role in our success, the first steps to success are self-awareness (who we are) and planning (what we want).

Monday, June 27, 2011

Conflict and Compatibility in Communication

In our last two posts, we discussed the first two most common communication problems.

The third most common communication problem is that the majority of people avoid conflict, which is actually natural and expected because conflict can indeed be stressful. Nonetheless, the reality is that life has its moments where conflict is inevitable and once we accept that, we will quickly realize that having tools to work through conflict as quickly and as efficiently as possible is our best option.
Avoiding conflict at all costs could mean bottling up feelings and needs which could lead to resentment and even illness. How many of you have not been able to sleep at night or felt your stomach turning when you encountered a particular conflict?

Learning to deal with conflict is a much better strategy than allowing your needs to go unrecognized and sabotaging a potentially great relationship with those you love or care for. Acquiring these important conflict management skills is not an indication that you are actively seeking conflict, but it is a sign that you are prepared – just as you would keep a box of band-aids in the medicine cabinet, as a precaution to accidents. In sha Allah we will be covering this most important skill in our Reviving Relationships Program.

The fourth and final most common communication problem is compatibility, which is how well two spouses ‘fit’ with each other. In his book, “the 10 Conversations you must have before You Get Married”, Dr. Guy Grenier evaluates compatibility along three different dimensions:

1) Love – understanding of couple about the realistic nature of love which is that the ‘passionate’ love at the beginning of a marriage transforms into a deeper, more mature love over time. We will also be covering the Five Languages of Love in our Reviving Relationships Program.

2) Similarity – the extent to which two people have similar beliefs, habits, goals. Alhamdullilah we spent a substantial amount of time in our Finding Love & Mercy Course: Choosing a Husband discussing this most important compatibility dimension

3) Healthy Approach to Conflict Management – having already spoken about conflict being a fact of life and learning to manage it is the best plan we have – this important skill is included here once again because a compatible, fair, and effective process to conflict management is very important between a couple.

And essentially, this is exactly what the 15 rules of Good Communication that we covered in our last Reviving Relationships Session, and which are available for you to download the MP3 File and PDF Summary of upon your registration in our Reviving Relationships program, are designed to do. Their purpose is to enable two people to exchange information in a respectful, clear, focused way that enables them to work through any conflicts. The 15 communication strategies that we spoke about were broken down into four basic categories:

i) Productive communication strategies
ii) Destructive communication strategies
iii) Anger-management strategies
iv) Long-term relationships management strategies

Friday, June 17, 2011

What Sunk the Titanic?

The second most common communication problem is what we call 'Relationship Icebergs' - these are basically unspoken, unexplained expectations within a relationship that seem so blatantly obvious to one partner, yet are completely not acknowledged or recognized by the other partner. The result is resentment, disappointment, and hurt.

The point isn’t to eliminate all expectations of those we love – the problem is that we assume, particularly from those close to us, that they are aware and completely willing to fulfill our expectations of them.

Unspoken expectations are to relationships what icebergs were to the Titanic. So, although there might be only a glimpse of them above the water, their power to destroy is indeed very serious and can sink what was thought to be unsinkable.

The “15 Rules of Good Communication” that we will be discussing starting next Tuesday June 21st in our Reviving Relationships Mastermind are specifically designed to help reveal these relationship-threatening icebergs long before they have the potential to threaten the stability of a great relationship.

Stay tuned for the next most communication problem.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The First Most Common Communication Problem

You know the typical conversation you get into sometimes with your spouse, parent, sibling, child, or friend:

-“You did this...”
-“No you did that...”
-“You never understand..”
-“No you don’t get it...”

So the individuals in this conversation haven’t exactly demonstrated excellent communication skills, or offered any new solutions or reached a greater level of understanding, right?

This happens when the way something is said becomes the reason of the fight, instead of the actual issue – so you start ‘fighting about the fight’. Such a situation causes a waste of time, hurt feelings, and can cause some real detriment to a relationship.

Think about it – how do we react when we’re told we’re wrong, to blame, or made a mistake? We may become defensive or enter into attack mode, even if what’s being said is correct.

So how do we resolve this?

To find out more, please join us for our FREE special session this Thursday June 16th at 8pm EST on the “Four Most Common Communication Problems” at the following link: